Part one

The morning of May 15, 2008 I called my then husband and told him it was over. We had been separated for 2 months and we had intended to give it 3 more to be sure. But I felt sure. He would later say that it didn’t sound like my voice. Needless to say, the rest of the day was highly emotional, I cried a lot, that is until the kids came home.

We were on a small island in the Bahamas where we spent a fair bit of time. As a result of the breakdown in our relationship, we decided that the kids and myself would stay there for the remainder of the school year.

We spent the early evening watching Juno, I felt exhausted. I really hadn’t been sleeping well and the emotions of the day had played out physically. I just lay there in what felt like a sleep deprived stupor as we all watched the film.

While they watched I got up to get something from the kitchen. The iPod was playing one of my favorite songs, Jose Gonzalez with Zero 7. I pirouetted my way back to the bedroom where the TV was, but never made it.

I felt my neck kind of snap and I instantly saw black spots. It reminded me of times before when I’d fainted except my neck really hurt. I lay on the couch and called friends to come over just in case I fainted. While I lay there I thought I had no reason to faint since I had just ate dinner. They came very quickly and fed me mango, gave me Tylenol, iced my neck and kept an eye on me. Eventually they put the kids and myself to bed, and told me to take another Tylenol if I woke up, and to call if anything happened.

1 AM, I got up to use the bathroom, my neck was really hurting, so I grabbed the bottle of Tylenol and took it over to the bed. As I swallowed the pill I noticed my right arm get very heavy, then the pain from my neck made its way slowly over the back of my head, on the right side, en route to my eye socket. I had never felt pain like that in my entire life. Even during childbirth, which I did naturally with my second child.

I had the cell phone beside me and I speed dialed my friends. I was able to say "It’s happening again." “Should we bring the nurses?" He asked. I knew the island protocol well and said yes. By this point it was my face, the right half, that was immobile, I felt like it was melting, my arm was heavy and I was unable to move it.

While I lay there waiting, my heart beating insanely, I thought to myself, wow, this is it, I am going to die on this island. This place where so many seminal moments had occurred, my wedding, my second child taking her first steps, my marriage falling apart. It made sense. I wasn’t scared. I just focused on the only light that was on, behind the slatted doors of the closet, trying to keep my eyes open. I was glad the kids were asleep in their rooms with the AC on and had no idea what was going on.