Cruise control

If there is such a thing as being in conscious cruise control, that's what I feel I'm doing now. Everything is going at a slow, routine and steady pace. To the point that if a curve ball is thrown I think I would be in Matrix-mode and deal with it as it comes toward me in slow motion.

It's a good feeling though at the same time hoping the sky won't fall in on me. The minor dramas are manageable. These would be mostly health related. The days I can't walk well, when the pain is just consistently there. It's a double edged sword trying to push through it. It took a very long time for me to get in tune with my physical situation, the recovery. I ignored it for a long time, and the emotional recovery lagged behind that even.

Now they both feel like they've caught up to each other. If I'm aware, or conscious, enough, I can handle both. Damn that universe in balance theory. It's a killer. The feeling of being in charge of those two parts (and still not the total me) takes a lot of effort. But I'm doing it or trying to my way.