The X comes to visit

The X is coming to visit. This is the result of a minor pressing from the lawyers due his lack of visiting the kids on their home turf. Now I have to deal with the idea of him being here and I’m not sure how I feel about it.

One task that is obvious for me is the self-preparation. He is bringing the children back from their time with him, so I am thinking about their return as well. Being mindful of how I am when they come back is on the top of my list.

I have become quite stuck in certain ways without them around. It’s funny how you see old people stuck in their ways. My grandmother eats certain meals on specific days for example. I on the other hand, have reveled in the lack of routine. I eat toast for dinner, chicken leftovers for breakfast. I stay up late, like a teenager pushing the limits, totally regretting it the next day as I’m pressed to nap for the sake of carrying on. But it’s my version of freedom.

Becoming “mom” again is easy. Being the ex wife is not. This is where I stumble and I don’t know how to act. Here is someone I don’t hate, I know better than anyone, who knows me better then anyone, who I have had the most intimate and important events of my life with. But now I must pretend that didn’t happen?

I like the idea of going with it all. Not over-analyzing (right!). So here goes me reseting my state of mind.