A friend recently sent me a great quote about looking within before looking without. It’s age-old wisdom of course in this day and age of embracing Eastern philosophy. I took it to heart having spent most of this year taking a good look at myself to figure out the best way to move forward. Sometimes it feels like one step forward and two steps back. This matches my health situation as well. Everything is so undulating.
The X has had some harsh words lately. The legal process that he instigated is not going according to his liking. I have pretty much gone along with everything but now I am standing strong on some points. I feel I have to. The mama bear in me is putting out the protection growl. But he sees me differently, maybe as a tiger, a snake, not sure, but it’s not warm and cuddly, that’s obvious.
But each time he bellows, I look at the situation differently. I don’t react immediately as I used to. I stop and think how I feel first, and then try to understand how he does. Now I just feel sorry for him. It must be awful to drag negativity around. I have my own baggage, but it feels lighter these days.
I care how he feels because we will always be connected. But moving on is hard, acceptance of new situations is painful, worrying about other people (and little people’s) feelings makes my empathetic well run dry. Looking within to understand it, to grow in a positive way, has become very important.
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