Seeing Red

Suddenly I am supposed to be understanding of a concept that has previously been an unacknowledged rule. That is, the introducing of the children to people we’re seeing. Seeing, seeing, I’m seeing red.

Apparently I should allow my kids to take a trip with the X to a foreign country where he will introduce them to his girlfriend of 1 month, possibly 2, I really don’t know. I am NOT cool with it. They are going to visit him and I requested that he please send them home before this planned trip.

His response? To tell D, who is 9 years old, that mommy says you can’t come on this trip, so our visit will be shorter. Yeah, that’s right. I have bent over backwards to keep my kids out of my private life. The couple of people I’ve dated only met the kids in passing, never in a formal way, and never with any consistent time spent with them.

When these relationships ended, it was the one thing I felt confident about. The kids had no connection to that person so it didn’t affect them. Needless to say, I just feel so angry, and to be honest, it’s a first. I have been pretty easy going with him through this. For the most part, going along with what he has suggested.

Now I just feel so incredibly done. I don’t feel a kinship at the moment at all. At the moment I just want him out of my life, and preferably as far away as possible.

The anger could indeed be read as unrealized feelings. And that is true. I spent the better part of the last few months being more open and emotional with him than I ever had. To hear he was dating would have been fine, to hear he was in a relationship, ok, to be told he wants the kids to meet her just killed me.

I’m sure my anger will dissipate. But the truth is, it’s just another signpost for me to move forward. In a substantial and meaningful way. And that is my frame of mind, not about him, or his relationship to us, but us, the three of us. Because now more than ever, that is how it feels it has always and evermore shall be.