I have just received some information that should have sent me over the edge. The good news is that it didn’t. In fact I handled it positively, with a respectable response. I am talking about my X telling me he is seeing someone.
This is something I suspected over the last month, and actually asked him about, but he was trying to be tactful as I was dealing with so much emotionally at the time, that he denied it. Not vehemently I might add, which of course cemented it further for me.
When he actually told me my heart leapt to my mouth and I just wanted to go home and cry. But that was reactionary. I thought more about it and realized that I felt a huge relief from this news. I felt released and free. His happiness was no longer my responsibility and he wholeheartedly deserved some loving.
I told him that I want him to be happy and for whatever it’s worth, he had my blessing. I should add that previously on the two occasions that I started dating someone he completely flipped out, and the last time, he called the lawyers and began the legal process. This is something that is dragging on even though we are on the same page with it.
The heaviness of guilt that I have had for so long is gone. It sincerely feels like a weight has lifted that reveals a lightness that I haven’t had for ages. I like it. I feel good. He absolutely deserves something good at this point.
Now that I have embraced this decision to face this not only maturely, but also in a way that is conducive to moving forward myself, I have to remind myself that this is real change. This is how our lives are now. It finally feels separate.
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