It looked like my New Year would come in like a lamb. I was wrapped in my kimono, sipping on bubbly, intent on watching the ball drop on TV, when my friend called and insisted I come out. It was nice to ring in the new decade with friends after all. Though I missed my children terribly.
This first day of the year I woke up with one thing in mind; do not have exasperating conversations with the X anymore. These have generally been made up of things said over and over between us, it’s pointless now, everything has been said. And if it hasn’t, it is useless to say it. There is no end goal. I am at the point that if I hear him repeat things again I just might scream.
The other negative I am willing to drop is my attitude towards his girlfriend. She is minor and a part of his life I am no longer privy to. When I focus on mothering I realize that she has little influence if any, on the bond between the kids and I. It’s an opportunity to strengthen my connection especially when they are away from me.
As many do at this time of year, I see my blessings clearly. I am lucky in so many ways. The kids are growing up in a way that is delightful, even within its challenges. I’m glad to have them as my tribe. I include the rest of my family and close friends within this group. I am truly blessed to have this entourage parade in my mind. I never feel lonely because of them.
I might sound like I’m 80 when I say this, but every morning I feel lucky to be alive. There is a resolve to try harder at remaining healthy. I have all the resolutions that most people have today; exercise more, drink less alcohol. But there is also the big one, live every day as if it’s my last.
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