On Friendship

This of course brings me to friendship. When I was a younger adult, on the verge of motherhood, there was a period when I culled my friendships in a major way. I felt like I was in a different phase of life and there were too many people who didn't get it. A lot of the friendships that survived that period are the people who have stood strongly by me since then.

Last year, when I had my illness, a stroke, and my separation, true friends stood tall. Surprisingly only a couple fell by the wayside, but that was more due to the separation. That scenario taught me one thing; when something major is happening, people compare it to themselves. I saw this firsthand. There were very few who stepped up and offered real advice and relation at a time when I was so vulnerable and needy. The ones that did are giants in my life.

When I started dating, well I think my obsessive need for attachment made me try to fast-track friendship. It was put on, idealized, and from there I felt I had imagined the perfect person. I played the part, the dutiful girlfriend, and so did he, the adoring guy. How could I resist?

It is almost impossible, I have decided, for someone you date to become a good friend. It seems to me to be something that rarely happens. And when it does, that person probably should have just been a friend to begin with .